Tips and Tricks at ISU

Below I have listed tips and guidelines that will help any incoming freshman or transfer students to survive at ISU. Now I must warn you, I will speak the whole-hearted truth in regards to this school, so look no further if you don't think you can handle hit.
1.) Bring plenty of quarters. The washer and dryer machines here are one dollar per service and only accept quarters.

2.) Actually wash your clothes. You will make no friends here if you forget to bring quarters and decide to only do laundry every once a month whenever you go home for you will most surely be that smelly kid in your lecture hall who no one wants to sit next to.

3.) If you are taking Bio 101, do not take notes in lecture. The test run entirely off the online self-tests so just take a bunch of those rather than wasting your time staying awake in bio class.

4.) If you are planning on participating in any underage drinking here at ISU, either bring cups or save them from whatever party you go to. If you're a girl, you shouldn't have to worry about this but if you're a guy, most places will charge 5 dollars per cup at each party you will go to in a given night. Keep your cups and either hide them in your pocket or in a girl friend's purse.

5.) DO NOT ROOM RANDOM AT ALL COSTS. If you have a friend, or an acquaintance, or even a person who you never really talked all that much to in high school but know that they're going to ISU with you, room with them. My first semester here I was roomed with a very large, very hairy, and very smelly roommate who only left the room for class and food and not showering or brushing of the teeth. Trust me, as long as you know that the person who you are going to room with has a clean habit of taking care of their hygene, you will be better off for it.

6.) If you're going to go to a Halloween party, do not dress as a pinata. Trust me.

7.) Bring funny stickers and put them on any random worksheets or tests. Teachers will find this amusing and may give you a smiley face on the paper:)

8.) Do not eat at the Burger King in the Bone Center. If you have any questions about this rule, I suggest you read my blog entitled "Puke Burger" below.

9.) Invest in a rubber hand and try to carry it on your person at all times. If you meet someone that you don't care to know any further, keep the hand in your sleeve and let go of it upon shaking their hand. They will understand that you are way to messed up for them and will think twice about trying to talk to you again.

10.) If you forget to shower in the morning or are sick and don't want anyone to notice how terrible you may look, wear a black North Face zip-up. Everyone at ISU wears the one in the picture so you'll blend right in.

11.) Girls, don't fake bake before a party. No one likes an oompa loompa. Instead, where red shoes. They're classy and fun and they can work with just about any color.

12.) Guys, if you're planning on wearing cologne when you go out, keep this in mind. At whatever party you go to, there is guaranteed to be at least 50 other guys there decked out in Hollister, all with the same idea, creating a downright awful blend of scents that will make it hard for any girl to breath. Instead, be the one guy not wearing any cologne who smells like, well, a person rather than a "fierce," or a "polo" or "aqua de gio" or whatever the hell the kids are wearing these days.

Well, that's about all I really have for right now. I know that I'm forgetting a lot, but these are just some of the basics that will help you last your first year here at ISU. Hope you last. Until next time...

-KP

Lemme Tell Ya 'Bout Muh Beeest Frieeend

So these past few weeks I have been suffering from heart break as my favorite show in the entire world, "Rob & Big," came to a tear-jerking end. For those of you unfamiliar with "Rob & Big," it is a reality show that follows the life of professional skateboarder Rob Dyrdek and his best friend and body guard, Christopher "Big Black" Boykin. Each episode features the two of them on a daily adventure, out to uncover the facts of life. In one episode they may be out to find their soul mates through a matchmaking program, while in another they may be out to discover the truths of time travel. However, no matter what crazy adventure they embark on, I am always guaranteed to see two things: an excellent display of loyalty in friendship, and good, classic humor. The finale uncovered that Big Black had gotten recent word that the woman whom he has been dating and falling in love with was pregnant and that he was to be a father. This meant that he would no longer be able to live with his friend Rob and would have to strike out on his own and get his own place, therefore ending what may have been the greatest show to ever hit television in this decade. "Rob & Big" was great in that while it provided natural and genuine entertainment, it also displayed genuine kindness and love as it was obvious that these two best friends truly cared about each other and loved life. So much of reality TV today revolves around sex and cheesy drama as it is masked with the title of love: "Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, A Shot at Love, I Love New York." these shows all provide entertainment in ways that display sex, backstabbing, vulgarity, and even in violence. For a while, it made me wonder where all the genuine people were in the world. I felt that the only thing that could come out of MTV and VH1 was this watered down reality. Then BOOM! Out comes "Rob & Big." Here are two regular guys who are honest, genuinely kind, and are out just looking for a good time. While Rob may have celebrity status of being a professional skateboarder, he shows that having fun in Hollywood is not all about partying and going to the best clubs to get drunk or high or whatever. Rob and Big embraced life in all that they did as they took advantage of each day, whether it be motor cross racing, entering their mini-horse in a mini-horse contest, teaching their bulldog to skateboard, or even making their own one-hit wonder and music video. People tuned in not because of the likelihood of seeing someone get spit on, beaten up, or get ridiculously drunk. People watched "Rob & Big" because of how much enjoyment these two guys could find from life (and because seeing Rob and Big duet to an awful song happens to occur each episode and is ridiculously hysterical). If you haven't already tuned in to MTV to watch an episode, I highly recommend checking it out as MTV is constantly showing reruns, or even renting a season at a movie store or online. I promise, you will not be disappointed.

I Wanna Smell Like An Axe

So I saw this advertisement today that I just could not believe. It was the latest of the ridiculous advertisements from Axe body spray. The commercial was promoting the new scent from Axe called "Dark Temptation." If you haven't seen it yet, check out the web address at the bottom of this blog and give it a looksie before you read on. It starts by showing a young guy getting out of the shower and applying the spray to himself only to be transformed into a living chocolate man. The commercial goes on to show the guy's daily routine of taking long city street walks, riding the bus, visiting attractive girls in the hospital, and going to the movie theatre. All the while, he is being chased by packs of attractive women as they try to take bites out of him or lick his choco cheeks in the middle of the movie (how rude). It even shows a scene where he walks by a rec center and all the girls press themselves up to the glass as they hope to get a taste. He then waves to them only to have his arm ripped off by girls in a passing car.
While this is all supposed to be very comical and give the audience the idea that if you wear this spray then you'll get the chicks, it actually all comes off as kinda creepy and unrealistic. First of all, the idea of putting out a scent that smells like chocolate sounds rather disgusting and kinda weird. As a guy, you wanna wear a deodorant or cologne that a girl will find pleasant and will be impressed with. You don't want to make them hungry. Secondly, lets talk about the scene where the chocolate man walks past the gym. Looking at all those women go absolutely crazy over chocolate makes it hard for me to believe that they look as physically fit as they all do. But hey, I guess that's why they're all at the gym. Secondly, randomly having girls take bites out of you as you are trying to go about your day doesn't sound attractive at all. In fact, that sounds kind of annoying and I don't know of any guy who would enjoy that. However, the most disturbing scene in the whole advertisement was when the chocolate man waves and has his arm torn off from the girls in the car. That just sounds painful, not sexy. I understand where Axe was trying to go by implying that all girls like chocolate and will therefore find a man who smelled like chocolate desirable, but this commercial just made it seem as though wearing this body spray will cause you to be mutilated and eaten alive. How messed up is that? From watching this commercial, I think I would have to pass on purchasing the product as I happen to enjoy having all of my limbs and watching movies without having anyone bite my ears off.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZ-ZSaDt91g

Puke Burger

This story is what happens when my English teacher tells us to do a freewrite blog.

This past weekend I had my first experience in my life of being sick while not at home. Throughout the school year, I took a little pride in myself with staying healthy and protecting myself from ever becoming ill. However, on Friday night, I came down with a pretty nasty case of the flu bug. In fact, I am still a little unsure of whether or not it was the stomach flu or food poisoning because I had only started to feel ill after having a double bacon cheese burger at the campus Burger King. The burger wasn't really that good but I swallowed it down to just put something in my stomach as I was in a rush to rescue a friend from an extremely awkward predicament that he was in as he accompanied his ex-girlfriend to the campus double feature with some new guy that had a little more interest in the girl that he did in seeing a double feature if you know what I mean. So, rather than determining the possibility watching this burger spill out of my mouth and mix into the vortex of an automatically flushing toilet in my residence hall bathroom, all I could think about was how badly I would be tearing my hair out of my head if I was made to go see a movie with my ex as some d-bag was pulling the moves on her (which in my opinion is almost just as bad). So as I was saying, I scarfed down the burger, made short work of the cold french fries, and headed over to where the double feature was about to commence. Yet, upon realizing that admission for the movie would only be one dollar, I knew that I just had to get something else to eat to hold me over during the movie, so for only one extra dollar, I bought a Baby Ruthe bar and a root beer. So after sitting through 90 awkward minutes of the first movie, my friends and I decided that we could no longer withstand the tension of the situation and we decided to go back to my residence hall and chill in my friends room (without the new guy). At this point in the evening, I am starting to realize that the BK booger burger followed by the half melted Baby Ruthe may not have been the greatest idea as my stomach is starting to make strange noises and feels as though someone had been pushing on my belly button all night as if it were an "easy" button (I trust you understand now how awkward the night had really been). However, despite this pain, I still decided to partake in the collective consumption of a 20 inch cheese and pepperoni pizza with my friends around 12:30am. You better believe that I immediately regretted that one. At around 1:30am, we all decided to depart and head back to our rooms. All I wanted to do at this point was sleep so that I could feel better in the morning, however my stomach had different plans. At 2 in the morning, I dry heaved for 15 minutes. At 4 in the morning, I tasted the rainbow as all a manner of colors and tastes jettisoned from my mouth. It wasn't so much the puking aspect of this experience that made me feel bad, but more the fact that someone who had come in to take a late-night, post-drinking pee had been in the stall right next to me and was quite literally freakin' a leak. While I was able to get to sleep pretty well after this, I spent the remaining 36 hours locked in my room feeling sorry for myself. Today, I am proud to say that I have completely recovered from this illness and have been provided with an experience that I will probably forget about in a couple years.